Today I began my journey as a blogger. I met with my mentor and discussed my intention to blog as a means of processing and recording my journey to creating the life I want (in contrast to the life I’ve been told to want or encouraged to cultivate). I talked about choosing a simpler life and a slower pace and a little less glamor than I had sometimes hoped for. I told her about how I can be bad at living in the moment and I’m hoping that knowing I might write about any one experience would encourage me to focus more on taking in experiences as they happen and being thoughtful about what each experience means to me and my life journey.
This was at 11 am. At 2 pm I called my husband on his lunch break holding back tears because I was so overwhelmed with things that needed to get done that I didn’t even know where to start. I was halfway done doing dishes when I went to switch over my second load of laundry and got distracted by making the bed that I had left a mess that morning. All the while muttering to myself about how to get the right insurance and title changes and registration renewals for our car. On my computer screen sat internet pages galore where I had abandoned the task of looking up bus directions to get to a friend’s house for dinner. You get the picture- I was a mess. And my To Do List was growing ever-longer as I tried to get the mundane daily tasks out of the way so I could really sit down and focus.
But wait. Isn’t this the exact situation I had just talked about trying to avoid? I have spent years under stress and pressure trying to get everything done ASAP so I can get more things done the next day. Today I’ll give myself a pass for being brought to tears by it all, because I’m pregnant and emotional, but the impulse to get everything done right away? That’s on me. So Day 1 of blogging I realized I was being hypocritical. I want to create and write about a simple life, not one full of hustle and bustle. Here was my chance to start making a change. (This is a change I’ve started and re-started and re-started). I wrote down a list of what I was working on and what I needed to do, then I piled up those lists and pushed them aside. I went to the bathroom (I had to pee so badly… how long had I been holding it?), heated up some food (did I skip lunch?), and sat down to decide what I needed to get done. It was simple. I needed to make a salad to bring to a friend’s for dinner, I needed to trim the hangnail that I had been picking at so long it was bleeding, and I needed to call the car insurance people. Everything else could happen tomorrow. Or the next day. Maybe that box of donations will sit in the coat closet another week and maybe I’ll just keep taking the bus for awhile until I get the problems with my car sorted out. Am I okay with that? YUP.
And so I found myself at 3:30pm deciding to have a snack and watch a TV show and let the other things wait. I had an hour before I needed to catch the bus. Why not let myself be mellow for an hour so I show up at my friend’s house for dinner happy and calm rather than anxious and flustered? Maybe when I get home from dinner I’ll finish the laundry and dishes. More likely, I’ll go right to bed and my husband will hastily do both of those things for me. I’ll deal with trying to not feel guilty about that tomorrow. For now, I’m trying to enjoy the fact that there’s a bus just blocks away from me that will take me very close to where I need to go and that it is wonderfully chilly with air conditioning and I get to just sit and write a little blog post instead of driving myself through this traffic getting more and more frustrated.